Understand Depression and Suicide

Most people who struggle internally, emotionally, mentally are usually loners. Even around others, they feel out of step somehow because of all the inner turmoil going on in their lives. Truth be told, part of their suffering is because of that loneliness that seems to penetrate the bones and very soul of that person.

There was a time when I was very lonely. I felt unloved and unimportant. During those times, I was extremely depressed and suicidal, looking for a way to escape from myself. That is the secret about suicide. Sure, the people who try or do it are often burdened by both internal and external forces, but it is that pain that never goes away that drives suicidal thoughts. And after awhile, a person begins to feel as if the pain will never end and that they'd rather die than live in the misery they perceive their lives may always be, or rather die than remain the person they think they are now. In short, they become hopeless. They lose the ability to believe anything will ever change for them.

There are probably millions of people who think about suicide each day but keep it to themselves. Mental anguish and emotional pain are not easy to share. But being armed with knowledge, each person can begin to make a difference in the lives around them, enough to help unburden those who feel alone by being open to listen and share with friends and family.

When I first began writing about depression and understanding the illogical thoughts of a suicidal person, people were shocked. They didn't understand how I could open my own life to such harsh criticism. But there never was an option not to because I survived depression and suicide attempts. I lived through it and came out of it by the help of God. How could I not share what has worked for me and, for all intents and purposes, saved my life?

Be sure that as you continue to read and follow this blog, you'll be asked to deal with your own inner pain and once you're healed, you'll then be asked to care enough to offer the answer to someone else. It is a duty for survivors to assist because when we were struggling, there was nothing more desired than loving arms, listening ears, understanding hearts and open minds. Be the answer you sought.

For more information about me, visit my website and don't miss out on my bestselling book, The Rape of Innocence: Taking Captivity Captive, which tackles the difficult subject of healing after any form of abuse, especially sexual abuse. Chances are you know someone who could benefit from the wisdom found within the pages. Available anywhere books are sold!

ABUSE: There's a Difference

There's a difference between the various forms of abuse and how they affect the victim. Sometimes, we lump abuse together and try to make a one-size-fits-all solution, but it isn't that simple.


Usually, domestic violence is the most visible form of abuse. Victims are ashamed, afraid and apprehensive about life in general and especially distrust new people. There are some people who grew up in violent households and so now in their own violent relationship, they may appear incredibly well adjusted because that's all they've ever known. But even these victims have a large amount of fear on the inside.


Victims of sexual abuse are often very hush hush about it because of the nature of sex and the nature of the abuse. In this huge category, you have various forms of abuse such as molestation, incest, rape by strangers, date rape, statutory rape and even marital rape (which is more common than you might think). Altogether, this form of abuse usually takes longer to heal because it takes so long to get a victim to open up about the events and to face the pain.


Verbal and emotional abuse is probably the most common abuse and often overlooked because many people have a hard time identifying it. They don't realize that being called "nothing" or a "loser" is a form of abuse. Sometimes, it begins in early childhood at the hands of parents and then later is perpetuated by significant others. Once a person accepts this form of abuse and adopts the thoughts of the abuser, it can take years to help them heal and learn to think better of themselves. Probably more so than any other abuse, this form leads to chronic depression, bipolar disorder and suicide or suicide attempts.


Be informed about the abuse that is prevalent and the solutions for each form. Keep your eyes open for warning signs in family and friends. Seek help if you are in any of these situations.

MOVIE DEAL~ YAY!!!

After one delay and then another, finally I have the contract in my hand for THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE to be made into a movie and am currently in talks about doing a documentary about sexual abuse. So, of course this blog will be hopping for awhile. I'll post all my book updates here and keep you refreshed with links and more.

I appreciate all your support in purchasing, reading and talking about the book. It is because of you that I have attained this success. I am praising GOD that He made room for my book to touch the lives of silent victims. Let's keep standing together and crying out against sexual abuse and domestic violence.

Stripping of Will

One of the biggest problems with rape, molestation and other such crimes is the stripping of will. When someone takes anything from you, it makes you lose confidence in your ability to make decisions and protect yourself. Low self-esteem often results, and before long, victims of abuse find themselves almost needing their abuser, particularly in domestic violence. What do I mean?

It seems like they've been stripped of everything they were, so they now only identify themselves as a victim and in relation to the incident of abuse. That is a problem. I'm not just a former victim of abuse. I am also an abuse advocate. I'm also a pastor. I'm also a mother. I have other ways to identify myself. That is healthy. Some people are still stuck and feel like eternal victims. That's unhealthy and a sign of a missing identity. Pray with me now.

Father God, I pray for all those reading this blog post. I ask you to restore power to their minds and hearts. Restore their bodies. Give them back their esteem. Empower them to use their pain and past mistakes or happenings to help others and themselves. I speak strength over their lives. I speak peace to their minds. I speak serenity to their hearts. God, shower the readers with your love. Let them know that they mean the world to you. Saturate them in your joy, and give them an abundant life. God, for all the years they suffered pain, I thank you that those years will be multiplied back in your joy. I pray for all these in Jesus' name, AMEN!!!

The Rape of Innocence sampler 2

Many times over the course of the school year, I was either molested or raped. I had more narrow escapes than anyone I know. I suppose if I told it all, I would need to write two books. Suffice to say that I learned to separate my mind from my body just to keep my sanity. It seemed that the more men took liberties, the more I gave those liberties away so that it would not hurt as bad. But I hated… I hated deeply, and loathing overfilled my hardened heart. Hatred began to control me. I was depressed and pitiful, doing things then that as an adult I have had to be healed from. The things that were done to me, and the things I did, caused me to become a horrible person. I was trifling and I didn’t care about anyone… not even myself. I took my cues from the people around me. They treated me as if I was nothing and nothing nice I became. I didn’t have a reason to be nice. I didn’t have a reason to care about others. In my mind, no one cared about me. I thought I was free. Little did I know I was bound in the deepest of pits, trapped by my own twisted mindset.

The angry method of coping I chose probably hurt me worse than the actual rapes, countless molestations or my abandonment issues had. Because I was tired of fighting to keep my body to myself, I didn’t value it anymore. Sex was not precious or exclusive. To me, it was a given- something a girl had to do, one way or the other.

I carried this attitude into both of my two failed marriages, and it was the reason lots of things didn’t work out for me for a very long time.

(From chapter 6: Where is the Love? of The Rape of Innocence: Taking Captivity Captive by Lacresha Hayes All rights reserved!)

Sexual Predators and Forgiveness ~ My Reasons

This morning, I happened over to a good friend's blog. His posts from yesterday and today caused a stir inside me. Though I never have confessed to be perfect, I realized just how imperfect I am. I found that I could never date or marry a known sexual predator, even if he was saved, preaching, filled with the Holy Ghost. I just couldn't do it. What does that say about me? Let me share yet another experience. I'm not sure if it is in the book or not.

My first husband and I were young when we got married. Every weekend, something was going on over at our house. Well, it wasn't full scale parties, but we always had company over. One night, one of my brothers who I hadn't known long brought a friend over to the house with him. The "friend" just happened to be a young man who had tortured me as a child and teenager. He'd hung a dead chicken in front of our door with blood still dripping. He's raped me once, as part of the gang rape I spoke about in the book that happened when I was about 9 or 10. He'd even tried to rape me after I had my son.

My screen was messed up, another long story. I kept the window up because my son was so little (6 months old) and it was always hot in the house. My son and I were in the bed sleep. My grandmother and mother had a house full and were partying. The next thing I know, I feel concrete cutting into my arm. He was literally trying to pull me out of my window. I screamed and he ran off.

Another particular incident, he tried to force me and I was bigger. I decided to stand up for myself again and he slapped me so hard that my face was swollen from the forehead to my chin. So, needless to say, I HATED him. He never got in any real trouble, even when he and his friends gang raped another beautiful young woman one night when she was walking home from work. It was pathetic.

So, I was afraid when he walked into my house. My nerves all stood on end. I called my little tiny husband into the other room and told him. Of course, he was as small as I am. What was he going to do? I told him just to play it cool and I would tell my brother first chance I got. I never left the room anymore after that. I fell asleep at some point. I didn't wake up until well after midnight. Everyone was sleep. I walked in the living room and almost died. He was on my floor sleep. I screamed and kicked him and punched him in his eyes and face. I wanted him out right that second. I put my brother out too. I tried to fight him too. He had no idea what was wrong with me until the next day when I told him.

So, my point is known sexual predators give me the willies. I know that God can change anybody. They are NOT beyond God's healing and forgiving power. I can forgive anybody, but I cannot do it perfectly as God does. I cannot ignore the fact that NOT ONE PERSON walks so continuously in the Spirit that they aren't tempted by whatever held their attraction at first. Therefore, if I found out today that my husband had sexual abuse and battery in his past as a predator, I'd probably not stay married to him. It's hard to call, but I'm not sure I have that kind of strength yet.

You should also read a prior post I did when I ran into the preacher who raped me just this year. You can read it here. Please, let me know where you stand.

Leftovers

I was watching comedian Dave Chappelle talk about women and how easy they are now. (Not something I normally watch, but flipping through TV, he caught my attention.) I was hurt, cut to my heart with what he said. It wasn't that he was exaggerating. It was that he was telling the truth. He said that if a woman's secret place was stock, it would be plummeting because women give it away too easily.

It is unfortunate that life isn't perfect for anyone, but each of us have our own burdens to bear. Sadly, many victims of sexual abuse have a tendency to no sex or too much sex with too many people. I used to fit into the latter category. I was very young when I was violated over and over. It got to a point that I was afraid to say no, and somehow my mind shifted into thinking giving away my precious body would be easier than fighting to keep it. In fact, I didn't figure it was even worth trying to keep anymore. So as a teenager and young adult, I had the reputation for being loose. I was way too quick to be with a man. I even believed that I wanted to live like that. Now, I promise it is very few people who are going to say that out loud. Women have images to uphold, after all. My image is honesty and that is what I want to uphold.

Fast forward to now, my husband has to deal with leftovers. Anytime you have sex with someone, you have given up a piece of yourself. The more sex with more people, the less of you left for a husband or wife for men. So, after years of throwing your treasures to the wind, you fall in love and get married. You think you're whole. You think you're ready, but you're only leftovers. I'm not saying that to hurt you, but it's true. The main course has been tasted and sampled and picked and prodded many times over by God knows who. And we expect our marriages to work and be perfect while coming into it like that. It won't. It'll be hard work, even harder because of all those men you're bringing into the marriage bed with you. You thought he was gone because you've not seen him in years, but he's still in you. He's a part of you because you gave him something precious, even if you have not realized it yet.

It is impossible to renew your actual virginity, or to take back sex after it is given. However, there is a way to be restored from a loose lifestyle, or from a shaky and/or abusive sexual past. That way is to choose to be whole again while keeping your body to yourself or just for your husband. That way is to repent for past decisions you've made and forgive for those wrongs perpetrated upon you. You have to let that old person die so that you'll have a new beginning. Rather than become or feel condemned by your past, allow it to be your empowerment. No, not by having pride in your past mistakes or misfortunes. You do that by choosing to make your frailty your mission. In other words, I choose to save those who can be saved from what I went through. I choose to stop being led by past issues. Rather, I'm going to be a champion for others. I'm going to make those mistakes my power so that I never have to be shame or afraid again.

Sometimes, leftovers can make a better meal than the original dish. It only takes you making a decision about what you'll do with the hand you've been dealt.

The Rape of Innocence: Taking Captivity Captive

After much prodding, a few great ideas from friends, I've decided to start a blog dedicated only to healing after abuse and abandonment.

This blog will deal with those issues, as well as discuss the work I do as a survivor to help others, including book, clothing, and food donations. I will also list my speaking engagements here.

The Rape of Innocence: Taking Captivity Captive is my bestselling book. It deals with all the trials and pain I faced in my struggle, and how I made it through all of it. I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of emails from people who have read the book and made positive changes.

I would love to hear from the readers of this blog on a regular basis. Comment on the posts, and if you need to reach me, my contact information is on the sidebar.