Sexy Isn't a License to Rape

I wanted to share some real talk with you all. My duty is to be honest and hope that someone can glean from my testimony.

If you've followed me for awhile, you know that I often speak of my promiscuous past. Sure, I could blame it all on being a kid, a victim of sexual abuse and bad parenting, but ultimately, we all have to take responsibility for our actions. Some victims of molestation and rape turn completely sour against sex and some seem to sell themselves to it. For me, my experiences made me very afraid of using the word "no" for fear of being forced, hurt, rejected or worse. 

Today, I look and listen to all that goes on around me. I see people worshiping sex like a god, using it to seduce people to buy products, to break up marriages by way of online dating and porn sites where women are often encouraged to be as close to nude as possible. I see the clothing made for children that makes them look like streetwalkers. I see parents making their children up to look years older than they are. I see both parents working such long hours that children are often raised by the television which is riddled with sex. And when sexual abuse, which is still quite prevalent in its various forms, happens to our children, we are too swift to call them fast, say they deserved it and completely discount the trauma of it. We have 30 year old men who stalk small town streets waiting on little girls to turn a "proper" age to be had, not realizing that makes them sexual predators.

I went through so much growing up that it gave me a complex about sex. At times I was crazy for it. At times I felt raped even if I did say yes because in my heart the answer was no. At times I used it to substitute for genuine affection. And still there were times when the man I was with did genuinely love me but I'd blocked him off completely emotionally. I had a complex about my body, which is beautiful, even now after surgeries, steroids and sicknesses, but was especially beautiful then. Sometimes I hated it and sometimes I loved it, like a mixed blessing of sorts. But every time I see that picture above, which is not a nude, I remember that there is nothing wrong with being beautiful. You cannot look so good that a man has to take sex from you, no matter how many times you've heard that lie. You cannot earn rape through your attire or your bad habits. No is always no and common respect and decency is what should protect your right to be a sexy individual without being victimized. Now, I'm not saying that we should carry ourselves in sexually suggestive ways by any means, but even if you do, did or will do it in the future, that is NOT a license for anyone to take advantage of you. It's time to heal!

Sexual Predators and Forgiveness ~ My Reasons

This morning, I happened over to a good friend's blog. His posts from yesterday and today caused a stir inside me. Though I never have confessed to be perfect, I realized just how imperfect I am. I found that I could never date or marry a known sexual predator, even if he was saved, preaching, filled with the Holy Ghost. I just couldn't do it. What does that say about me? Let me share yet another experience. I'm not sure if it is in the book or not.

My first husband and I were young when we got married. Every weekend, something was going on over at our house. Well, it wasn't full scale parties, but we always had company over. One night, one of my brothers who I hadn't known long brought a friend over to the house with him. The "friend" just happened to be a young man who had tortured me as a child and teenager. He'd hung a dead chicken in front of our door with blood still dripping. He's raped me once, as part of the gang rape I spoke about in the book that happened when I was about 9 or 10. He'd even tried to rape me after I had my son.

My screen was messed up, another long story. I kept the window up because my son was so little (6 months old) and it was always hot in the house. My son and I were in the bed sleep. My grandmother and mother had a house full and were partying. The next thing I know, I feel concrete cutting into my arm. He was literally trying to pull me out of my window. I screamed and he ran off.

Another particular incident, he tried to force me and I was bigger. I decided to stand up for myself again and he slapped me so hard that my face was swollen from the forehead to my chin. So, needless to say, I HATED him. He never got in any real trouble, even when he and his friends gang raped another beautiful young woman one night when she was walking home from work. It was pathetic.

So, I was afraid when he walked into my house. My nerves all stood on end. I called my little tiny husband into the other room and told him. Of course, he was as small as I am. What was he going to do? I told him just to play it cool and I would tell my brother first chance I got. I never left the room anymore after that. I fell asleep at some point. I didn't wake up until well after midnight. Everyone was sleep. I walked in the living room and almost died. He was on my floor sleep. I screamed and kicked him and punched him in his eyes and face. I wanted him out right that second. I put my brother out too. I tried to fight him too. He had no idea what was wrong with me until the next day when I told him.

So, my point is known sexual predators give me the willies. I know that God can change anybody. They are NOT beyond God's healing and forgiving power. I can forgive anybody, but I cannot do it perfectly as God does. I cannot ignore the fact that NOT ONE PERSON walks so continuously in the Spirit that they aren't tempted by whatever held their attraction at first. Therefore, if I found out today that my husband had sexual abuse and battery in his past as a predator, I'd probably not stay married to him. It's hard to call, but I'm not sure I have that kind of strength yet.

You should also read a prior post I did when I ran into the preacher who raped me just this year. You can read it here. Please, let me know where you stand.