Pro-active About Abuse Laws

So lately, I've noticed that in many states, when a domestic disturbance is reported, police arrest both the man and the woman on the spot. While there are times when that measure is necessary, I think that it is becoming a blanket response and police are losing sensitivity to abusive situations.

We all have a right to defend ourselves. That right should never be taken away. None of us have the right to attack anyone else. We all have a right to safety from one another and that must be protected. 

As victims and former victims of abuse, we must become proactive and actually pay attention to our local and state laws governing how victims are treated. We cannot afford to lose the right to defend ourselves. More coming on this thought later.

ABUSE: There's a Difference

There's a difference between the various forms of abuse and how they affect the victim. Sometimes, we lump abuse together and try to make a one-size-fits-all solution, but it isn't that simple.


Usually, domestic violence is the most visible form of abuse. Victims are ashamed, afraid and apprehensive about life in general and especially distrust new people. There are some people who grew up in violent households and so now in their own violent relationship, they may appear incredibly well adjusted because that's all they've ever known. But even these victims have a large amount of fear on the inside.


Victims of sexual abuse are often very hush hush about it because of the nature of sex and the nature of the abuse. In this huge category, you have various forms of abuse such as molestation, incest, rape by strangers, date rape, statutory rape and even marital rape (which is more common than you might think). Altogether, this form of abuse usually takes longer to heal because it takes so long to get a victim to open up about the events and to face the pain.


Verbal and emotional abuse is probably the most common abuse and often overlooked because many people have a hard time identifying it. They don't realize that being called "nothing" or a "loser" is a form of abuse. Sometimes, it begins in early childhood at the hands of parents and then later is perpetuated by significant others. Once a person accepts this form of abuse and adopts the thoughts of the abuser, it can take years to help them heal and learn to think better of themselves. Probably more so than any other abuse, this form leads to chronic depression, bipolar disorder and suicide or suicide attempts.


Be informed about the abuse that is prevalent and the solutions for each form. Keep your eyes open for warning signs in family and friends. Seek help if you are in any of these situations.

MOVIE DEAL~ YAY!!!

After one delay and then another, finally I have the contract in my hand for THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE to be made into a movie and am currently in talks about doing a documentary about sexual abuse. So, of course this blog will be hopping for awhile. I'll post all my book updates here and keep you refreshed with links and more.

I appreciate all your support in purchasing, reading and talking about the book. It is because of you that I have attained this success. I am praising GOD that He made room for my book to touch the lives of silent victims. Let's keep standing together and crying out against sexual abuse and domestic violence.

Lost Someone to Violence

Last week, I met a lady from Memphis who wanted a copy of my book. She wanted help but didn't know how to ask for it or receive it. Anyway, I just got word that she's dead, accidental, but dead anyway. Her boyfriend pushed her too hard and she hit her head and died.

We cannot help her, but we can help you. PLEASE, if you're in an abusive relationship, contact someone and don't stop until you get some help. Leave, even if it means going to a shelter or back home to family. Your mate doesn't have to be trying to kill you for you to die from an attack. Remember the 800 numbers and websites. These places exist only for you. Don't become another statistic.

For immediate help, dial 911. Otherwise, please use the free services available to you.

Domestic Violence Hotline in the US: 1-800-799-7233

Staying for the Wrong Reasons

Growing up, I used to promise myself I would be nothing like my mother and grandmother who seemed to find nothing but abusive relationships. From the outside looking in, I felt that leaving should be the most logical solution when a relationship is verbally or physically abusive.

After going through a couple of abusive relationships myself, I now know the excuses we make for staying in bad relationships. We think perhaps our constant forgiveness, our kindness, or our support may change our abusive partners. We believe that our love has the power to change a person when many times they do not want to change.

Don't allow fear of being alone, fear of failure, or fear of the unknown make you stay somewhere you're not celebrated. Marriage and relationships are about love, mutual respect, understanding and companionship. Why lie down with someone you fear? Why live where you'll never feel comfortable? Sure, love has the power to change people. But love is not taking abuse. Love means standing against abuse, even if it costs you everything.

Lastly, there is one excuse I've found to be the worst of the bunch - children. I hate when women tell me they are staying in an abusive relationship for the children. That even sounds dumb, not to offend anyone. But, why would you try to raise children in a violent and/or verbally abusive home? How can that possibly be good for them? What could they possibly learn from seeing mom and dad fight and argue all the time? Don't do this to your children. It WILL cripple them!

For more information, visit Stop Family Violence. Pick up your copy of my book, The Rape of Innocence, today!

Know Where to Find Help

There are times when you need help, someone to speak with, someone to care and to understand. It's important that you know where to find it.

RAINN, the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization

StopItNow, a child sexual abuse prevention organization

Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Domestic Violence Hotline in the US: 1-800-799-7233

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-784-2433