Food for Thought - What is Victory?

What is victory?

Victory is when you survive something others thought you couldn't or wouldn't survive. Victory is when the outcome of an otherwise adverse situation causes you to grow and evolve in a way that is beneficial to you. Victory is when you come out the other side of a fire and realize you're still able to smile.

Many people think victory is some overwhelming triumph in which pain isn't inflicted or felt. If there's never any pain, then what exactly did a person reign victorious over? Victory is what happens on the other side of pain, turmoil and sleepless nights. In fact, what makes it so sweet is the agony that came before it.

Just food for thought!

What Family Members Should Know About Grieving

Grieving is a process that differs according to the person and the actions that caused the grieving. Grieving a death is different from grieving a rape. Grieving over bad decisions is also different. Often times, psychology and family are unable to fully understand the grieving process associated with rape and molestation, or even domestic violence. Therefore, victims often feel like they are alone and misunderstood.

If you know someone who is a victim of sexual abuse or domestic violence, telling them what they should do may not be the best practice. Telling them how to grieve won't work. In fact, often the best way to assist them in their healing process is to stay positive and remind them that they are still human. Don't treat them like a victim. Don't treat them with pity, but do show empathy. It's a tight rope for the family members, but if it is so hard for you, imagine how difficult it is for those who've been abused.

The Rape of Innocence is Becoming a Film

I'm so delighted to tell all my Rape blog readers that this book, the one most of you tell me have helped change your life, is now going to be made into a film. It still seems unbelievable, but God is a good God and He keeps His word at all times.

I'm asking all my blog readers who have not purchased a book to get one now by ordering from the sidebar. If you have one already and have read it, please leave me a review at Amazon.com, or on Goodreads. Tell everyone you know about it and stay tuned in here.

I'm currently working on a rewrite for this book, giving it a more professional layout and having it professionally edited. I'll keep everyone posted. For more info, see my blog post at http://learntofeelpretty.blogspot.com

Stripping of Will

One of the biggest problems with rape, molestation and other such crimes is the stripping of will. When someone takes anything from you, it makes you lose confidence in your ability to make decisions and protect yourself. Low self-esteem often results, and before long, victims of abuse find themselves almost needing their abuser, particularly in domestic violence. What do I mean?

It seems like they've been stripped of everything they were, so they now only identify themselves as a victim and in relation to the incident of abuse. That is a problem. I'm not just a former victim of abuse. I am also an abuse advocate. I'm also a pastor. I'm also a mother. I have other ways to identify myself. That is healthy. Some people are still stuck and feel like eternal victims. That's unhealthy and a sign of a missing identity. Pray with me now.

Father God, I pray for all those reading this blog post. I ask you to restore power to their minds and hearts. Restore their bodies. Give them back their esteem. Empower them to use their pain and past mistakes or happenings to help others and themselves. I speak strength over their lives. I speak peace to their minds. I speak serenity to their hearts. God, shower the readers with your love. Let them know that they mean the world to you. Saturate them in your joy, and give them an abundant life. God, for all the years they suffered pain, I thank you that those years will be multiplied back in your joy. I pray for all these in Jesus' name, AMEN!!!

Victim or Survivor

There's no sense in denying it. Bouncing back from catastrophe is not an easy job. It takes more than motivational messages. It takes more than knowledge. It also takes the inner desire to bounce back. It takes the faith to believe things can be better for you. This is where almost everyone stumbles.

When you're heart has been broken by abuse, sometimes there's a tendency to feel like nothing is ever going to take that away. And, you're absolutely right. Nothing is going to erase the memory of your abuse. You have to learn to master that memory and control the pain. You have to take the power from the abuser. Nothing does that better than choosing to think differently about yourself. You cannot keep calling yourself a victim and think that you'll be free. Once you're ready for life to move on, you'll have to call yourself a survivor.

It's time for you to believe in yourself and in life again. Things can be better. Even if people don't change for you, you can change for yourself.

Retrain the Brain

For many victims of abuse, the hard part of recovery is retraining the brain to function differently. Most people can't get over trying to rationalize the event that hurt them so deeply. There's not always a reason for abuse. Sometimes, it just is. Regardless of the reason, it's never your fault. Don't try to find a reason to hate yourself. Rather, focus on loving yourself again.

A Tear Jerker

Yesterday, a friend wrote me. We've been online friends for the better of four years. We talk almost everyday. I had no earthly idea she'd been sexually and physically abused. She purchased my book a couple of weeks ago. So, here's what she wrote...

Cre,
Sorry it took so long to get a copy of your book. To be honest, I was afraid to get it. I was afraid to deal with the issue of abuse. You know I hate gettting emotional. It makes me feel unstable. I've had the book for two weeks. I've been finished with it for one week. That's why I haven't written over this past week. I didn't know what to say. You know how I feel about anything religious. Much of it is written from a perspective I can't understand. This time was different. Anyway, I won't go into my story. It's probably just like everyone else's story. I was molested. I married a suited hood. He beat me black and blue throughout our marriage. He caused me to have several miscarriages. Finally, I came out of the marriage with a physically disabled child and with loss of sight in one eye. I went from that to women. I had a lover who also abused me, took my money, abused my son. I went from that to drugs. I released the drugs three years ago. I never hoped to have a man or woman in my life any more. I don't like either one, but your book gave me hope to maybe give God a try. I'm still undecided so please, no pressure. I'll write you back when I'm ready. I love you, girl.