Saturday, July 14, 2012

Sexy Isn't a License to Rape

I wanted to share some real talk with you all. My duty is to be honest and hope that someone can glean from my testimony.

If you've followed me for awhile, you know that I often speak of my promiscuous past. Sure, I could blame it all on being a kid, a victim of sexual abuse and bad parenting, but ultimately, we all have to take responsibility for our actions. Some victims of molestation and rape turn completely sour against sex and some seem to sell themselves to it. For me, my experiences made me very afraid of using the word "no" for fear of being forced, hurt, rejected or worse. 

Today, I look and listen to all that goes on around me. I see people worshiping sex like a god, using it to seduce people to buy products, to break up marriages by way of online dating and porn sites where women are often encouraged to be as close to nude as possible. I see the clothing made for children that makes them look like streetwalkers. I see parents making their children up to look years older than they are. I see both parents working such long hours that children are often raised by the television which is riddled with sex. And when sexual abuse, which is still quite prevalent in its various forms, happens to our children, we are too swift to call them fast, say they deserved it and completely discount the trauma of it. We have 30 year old men who stalk small town streets waiting on little girls to turn a "proper" age to be had, not realizing that makes them sexual predators.

I went through so much growing up that it gave me a complex about sex. At times I was crazy for it. At times I felt raped even if I did say yes because in my heart the answer was no. At times I used it to substitute for genuine affection. And still there were times when the man I was with did genuinely love me but I'd blocked him off completely emotionally. I had a complex about my body, which is beautiful, even now after surgeries, steroids and sicknesses, but was especially beautiful then. Sometimes I hated it and sometimes I loved it, like a mixed blessing of sorts. But every time I see that picture above, which is not a nude, I remember that there is nothing wrong with being beautiful. You cannot look so good that a man has to take sex from you, no matter how many times you've heard that lie. You cannot earn rape through your attire or your bad habits. No is always no and common respect and decency is what should protect your right to be a sexy individual without being victimized. Now, I'm not saying that we should carry ourselves in sexually suggestive ways by any means, but even if you do, did or will do it in the future, that is NOT a license for anyone to take advantage of you. It's time to heal!

1 comment:

Purplesong (Vanessa) said...

Absolutely! I agree entirely. A benefit I took part in last year to raise money for my local Sexual Assault Prevention Center uses the term "Consent is Sexy."

Any kind of abuse including rape is a choice to abuse, and no matter how sexy , or pretty or what have you a woman looks there always exists the choice to commit the crime.

The crime of rape is all about power and control over the victim, and really it doesn't matter what he/she looks like! "She was dressed so sexy like she was asking for it" or "Her skirt was so short it screamed sex" or whatever is said, after-- is just a lame excuse.