What can you do with a memory? It would be so much simpler if we could just permanently delete them like a hard drive. We can't though. So what do we do with them?
First, we process them. We deal with them and feel whatever we have to feel, and then we use them to help others. Helping others with them reverses the effect of the hostage system. When we are afraid to face our memories, we are held hostage by them. When we use them, we take them hostage and make the pain of past events work for us and others.