Monday, June 28, 2010

Healing From Abuse- Mythbuster

There's often an issue with counselors and others trying to tell a victim of any abuse how long it should take them to heal, how long they can be angry, or how they will NEVER get over the hurt. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!

I cannot and neither can anyone else tell you how long you should hurt, how you will always be a victim. That's not another person's decision to make for your life. That is your decision alone. No one can tell you how long this process will take and indeed for some, it may take their whole lives. For me, bless God, it didn't.

Healing from abuse is not about rights or opinions. It's about truth. I have the right to still be angry if I want, but what good would that do? And so that is what I teach others. Why be angry for twenty years further destroying yourself? Why allow someone else to control you for that long? They are smiling and going on with life not considering you, more than likely. Why should your life stop at the place they hurt you? These are the questions we have to ask ourselves and answer for ourselves for our healing to begin. And regardless of what the professionals say, a victim is someone with an excuse to feel hurt and bitter. A victor is someone who has felt the hurt and the bitterness but chosen to live above it. Praise God. They have taken the power of their lives back from the abuser and chosen a higher path that sets them free- the path of forgiveness and self-awareness.

I can't say enough how important it is for you to invest in your own happiness by making better choices without the limitations of your past or of our society.


groovyoldlady said...

The other (wrong) end of the spectrum is when we tell people that Jesus says to forgive, so just "get over it". We may not use those exact words, but that's what we mean. The balance is that there IS (oh halleluiah!) healing and forgiveness and wholeness, but that someone who's been abused (or who has discovered that their beloved family member has been abused) needs time to grieve and process and pray - and some folks take longer than others to complete the process.

Rhonda Jenkins said...

I can't tell you HOW many times people told me to 'have faith' an d 'get over it' and 'give it to God' when I had never even FACED it in order to PROCESS it in order to Give it to God OR Get over it. The have faith to process it and give it to God would have been better advice ;) better or bitter from there!

David said...

Having written a novel that deals with this very thing I show that feelings run deep. The pain of even the memories of abuse is like revisiting it. When we look at ourselves and realize that we have offended God we begin to see that we can forgive even our abusers. I find that this is the beginning of our own release and healing. The healing can be long, very long, but in some cases we make the road longer than we need to. For those who believe we should "Just get over it" that's just as ignorant as refusing to try to forgive. Both hold a person in bondage, and who wants to be a victim all over again?

Angel said...

One idea that helped me very much, and that's another way of saying what you're saying is that my abuser had stopped abusing me many years ago, and yet I continue to abuse myself by holding onto all the negative emotions and by making it a part of who I am. That was when I decided it was time to become a positive, loving force in my own life, to accept my own needs in the matter, and to begin to nurture myself back from the darkness. It happened one day at a time, but I gave myself the love, encouragement, and gentleness I'd been missing as a child. I gave myself permission to be my own best parent.
Bless you for your message.