Monday, August 18, 2008

Staying for the Wrong Reasons

Growing up, I used to promise myself I would be nothing like my mother and grandmother who seemed to find nothing but abusive relationships. From the outside looking in, I felt that leaving should be the most logical solution when a relationship is verbally or physically abusive.

After going through a couple of abusive relationships myself, I now know the excuses we make for staying in bad relationships. We think perhaps our constant forgiveness, our kindness, or our support may change our abusive partners. We believe that our love has the power to change a person when many times they do not want to change.

Don't allow fear of being alone, fear of failure, or fear of the unknown make you stay somewhere you're not celebrated. Marriage and relationships are about love, mutual respect, understanding and companionship. Why lie down with someone you fear? Why live where you'll never feel comfortable? Sure, love has the power to change people. But love is not taking abuse. Love means standing against abuse, even if it costs you everything.

Lastly, there is one excuse I've found to be the worst of the bunch - children. I hate when women tell me they are staying in an abusive relationship for the children. That even sounds dumb, not to offend anyone. But, why would you try to raise children in a violent and/or verbally abusive home? How can that possibly be good for them? What could they possibly learn from seeing mom and dad fight and argue all the time? Don't do this to your children. It WILL cripple them!

For more information, visit Stop Family Violence. Pick up your copy of my book, The Rape of Innocence, today!


Anonymous said...

Could you be anymore right? We make a lot of excuses and later end up hating ourselves.

Debbie Todd said...

I had a friend who lost her aunt because she stayed in an abusive relationship. A blood clot killed her, one caused by a severe beating her husband gave her. You really need to stick to this subject.

Joyce Anthony said...

So very true. It is also impossible to say you will never end up in an abusive situation--it can happen so quickly. The thing is to promise yourself--and keep the promise--that you deserve better--and get out!!! Thanks, Lacresha!

Anonymous said...

I will be buying and reading your book, RAPE, as you know. Even though, and I think in a spiritual way you can understand this, I have already understood it. In a certain sense, the WORD of your message is screaming at us all from every direction, yet "those who not ears to hear hear it not." I hear you.

Sometime I'd like to hear you expound on the Biblical stance on divorce. How it relates to the case where someone is being abused and needs out for their sanity, their health, possibly even their life, even at the risk of abandoning their children. What is your interpretation of the scripture in these cases?