The Rape of Innocence

The New RAPE OF INNOCENCE

2011-10-20T14:03:00.002-05:00

Finally, after months of thinking and rethinking my life and my most popular book to date, I've figured out what is staying, what is going and what I needed to add. The updated version of The Rape of Innocence is finally done and headed off for more editorial work. Praise God! It was a difficult job, but I believe you all will love the new book even more than the last, though it would behoove you to have a copy of both books since they will have different stories in them.

Mirror

2011-07-02T12:31:00.000-05:00

Look in the mirror and say 5 great things about yourself before you begin your day today. And repeat them throughout the day. It's time to heal, ladies and gentlemen!

Be With Yourself

2011-06-07T09:29:00.000-05:00

Today's assignment is to take yourself to a place you've never gone before alone. Go for a solitary walk in the park or around a local lake. Visit the mall alone or out to eat at your favorite restaurant. WHY?

Most victims of abuse or those with horrible pasts hate being alone and they bury themselves with company and activities that keep them in the midst of people to hide from themselves. Learn to love you again and value your own company. Being alone isn't a bad thing. And guess what? You aren't a horrible person. There's some good in there for you to reflect upon.

Make Someone Smile

2011-05-10T13:27:00.000-05:00

Today's assignment is for you to find one someone and choose to make them smile. It can be the clerk at the grocery store or drive thru. Whoever it is, once you make them smile, you'll notice something new in yourself. Because honestly, your reason for living isn't just to suffer. You have something wonderful in you that is capable of enriching the lives of others. Time to find it!

Armed with Knowledge

2011-05-02T08:02:00.000-05:00

It is not the victim of abuse that should be ashamed. It is the abuser. We must learn how to hear the problems of others in a way that does not further isolate them or make them feel as if they are going through some rare, unheard of problem. We need to be armed with knowledge and compassion because while there is more available by way of various associations, books and via the media, there is yet a long way to go to truly see the silent evils of abused men, women and children.

Just look at the alarming rate of abuse being reported against prominent political, religious and social figures. We need some answer for these people and we must provide it in the most open and accepting way possible.

For those who have not done so yet, please take a trip over by RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) and learn more about what parts you can play.

We Can All Be Advocates

2011-04-26T10:41:00.000-05:00

There are many forms of abuse and many methods within each form, but at the end of the day, they all work to destroy the esteem, mental and emotional wholeness and family structure of the victim. In fact, the very cruelty of abuse is that it creates victims. It causes isolation at best, extreme paranoia at worst.

One thing we can all do daily to advocate healing for those who have suffered from abuse is to show understanding, to provide a listening ear, to spread information for professional help and support, and stay informed on what protections are out there.

While not everyone has been a victim, until everyone decides this is an evil we will NOT allow in our society, we will continue to see it happen, go unreported and therefore unpunished, and it will be only a matter of time before it reaches out and touches us or someone close to us. Let's all choose to be advocates today!

ABUSE: There's a Difference

2011-04-04T08:58:00.000-05:00

There's a difference between the various forms of abuse and how they affect the victim. Sometimes, we lump abuse together and try to make a one-size-fits-all solution, but it isn't that simple.

Usually, domestic violence is the most visible form of abuse. Victims are ashamed, afraid and apprehensive about life in general and especially distrust new people. There are some people who grew up in violent households and so now in their own violent relationship, they may appear incredibly well adjusted because that's all they've ever known. But even these victims have a large amount of fear on the inside.

Victims of sexual abuse are often very hush hush about it because of the nature of sex and the nature of the abuse. In this huge category, you have various forms of abuse such as molestation, incest, rape by strangers, date rape, statutory rape and even marital rape (which is more common than you might think). Altogether, this form of abuse usually takes longer to heal because it takes so long to get a victim to open up about the events and to face the pain.

Verbal and emotional abuse is probably the most common abuse and often overlooked because many people have a hard time identifying it. They don't realize that being called "nothing" or a "loser" is a form of abuse. Sometimes, it begins in early childhood at the hands of parents and then later is perpetuated by significant others. Once a person accepts this form of abuse and adopts the thoughts of the abuser, it can take years to help them heal and learn to think better of themselves. Probably more so than any other abuse, this form leads to chronic depression, bipolar disorder and suicide or suicide attempts.

Be informed about the abuse that is prevalent and the solutions for each form. Keep your eyes open for warning signs in family and friends. Seek help if you are in any of these situations.

BE INFORMED!

2011-03-30T10:24:00.000-05:00

Protecting our children should be a priority in today's warped society. Unfortunately, while we push ahead with laws that keep up with the changing criminal mind, the laws to protect our children are not changed as often as they should be. Some states still protect the parental rights of the abusive parent when the abuse is sexual. In fact, the punishment for physical abuse of children is much stricter than the punishment for sexual abuse in some states.

Know what the laws say in your state and be proactive in advocating harsher punishments for sexual predators (both molesters and rapists). Be informed!

Not Just Surviving, But Thriving

2011-03-14T22:10:00.000-05:00

Some people say they are survivors of abuse. However, they are still depressed, still obviously affected from the horrific events of the past. Surviving, in some sense, is simply living through bad circumstances. But we don't want to simply survive abuse. We want to thrive in the face of it, coming out empowered rather than coming out dejected and oppressed.

Let's continue on the path of healing until we regain all the power over our lives, not merely living through bad times, but turning them into a defining point for our character to be better and the purpose of our lives more clearly laid out before us.

The Rape of Innocence Rewrite

2011-02-23T06:14:00.000-06:00

I've been working on the rewrite of my book, which will actually be more like a part 2 to The Rape of Innocence. I'm thinking of titling it The Rape of Innocence Revisited. I want to include some of the testimonies I've received over the years along with some of the reviews I've gotten for the first book. I will definitely keep everyone posted as I get closer to completion.

Abuse Inspiration

2011-02-02T11:19:00.000-06:00

For those who have been victimized, today I want to give you a little inspiration for healing.

The first thing I had to understand about abuse is that the why it happened isn't the immediate question we need an answer to. The first thing you have to ask yourself and answer for yourself is "Do I want to survive this?"

If your answer is yes, you're already way ahead of the crowd. Most people want life to stop when tragedies happen. Nevertheless, the sun keeps rising and setting and life goes on for everyone. Why not allow yourself to be able to move beyond the senselessness of abuse? So this is what you should tell yourself everyday:

~ I want to survive, therefore I will.
~ I want to grow better and not bitter, therefore I will.
~ Nevertheless, God is in control, therefore I CAN do all the things I desire to do regardless of the pain.

A Goodreads Review of THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE

2011-01-25T16:20:00.000-06:00

Check out what Karen Tims wrote about my book on Goodreads. It's reviews like this that keep me writing and motivating others to tell their stories to set people free, to give voice to their pain.

The Rape of Innocence is a hard book, written from a upfront and in-your-face POV. It lays out a lifestyle that most of society are happy to forget exists.

Mrs. Hayes, minister and activist, put her very career on the line by writing in this style, yet somehow it worked well for the composition of the book. The book begins with Lacresha's struggles as a child without a parent and ends with her victory over sexual assault by a traveling minister. In the in-between, she marries three times, nearly kills her first husband, commits adultery, turns to Christ and away again, and all that before finally coming to terms with who she was created to be.

I have to say, while I fully support this book and the message, it was so graphic that you have to prepare yourself before reading. I didn't do that because I had no idea what I would be in for. If you try to jump right into this book like a novel, the descriptive language will disturb you emotionally. In fact, this is the most haunting book I've ever read!

Find more reviews on Amazon.com and at Goodreads by following the links. This book is for sale in the sidebar. Your purchases and word-of-mouth are appreciated and help to get the message out to those who need healing. Thank you.

Sound Off, I'm Listening!

2011-01-03T10:14:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking on some things concerning THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE book and blog. There's been so many testimonies to come out of this book that I feel it's time I step it up a notch. I've considered doing a free website for now and maybe converting to a paid website later. I want to keep making quality posts and information on sexual abuse available on a larger scale.

While no decisions have been made yet, I am interested to know what you, my readers, think about me expanding my reach for this book. It's been about four years on the market now and the sales are still steady, the testimonials powerful and the attention and publicity is increasing. I'd love to have your input since it is YOU who have made this book an overwhelming success. Sound off. I'm listening!

Hold Your Head Up

2010-08-31T06:50:00.000-05:00

As victims of sexual abuse, sometimes we feel inferior to others, as if we are too dirty to even live. It's not true! We aren't inferior to anyone and we don't deserve what happened to us. We must learn to control those thoughts that send us whirling backward into the abyss of depression, self-hate, and even suicidal thoughts.

It isn't easy to stand up and hold your head up again, but each day you do it, the easier it becomes. Each day you have to make a decision that you're going to enjoy your life and you won't allow the tragedy to have any more of your life.

The Rape of Innocence Has Been Reviewed Again

2010-08-25T19:10:00.000-05:00

I'd like to invite everyone over to Literary Pizazz to read the review of THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE. Please use the provided link.

Work Through the Pain

2010-08-08T09:01:00.000-05:00

There are many different philosophies and theories on healing after abuse. Some people feel that out of sight, out of mind is the best you can hope for. On the other side of pain, however, I can tell you that though my way hurts a lot initially, it's worth it in the end.

I prayed and prayed, toiled and grieved and made my peace with my past because you know what... there's nothing I can do to change it anyway. The best I could hope for was to use it to empower and warn others. The first few times of sharing my story, I cried and choked up but the more I ministered to others through my own pain, the less pain I felt and the more strength I gained until one day I looked up and found that what I thought had ruined my life had also given me a second chance to do something good and worthwhile.

I encourage you to work through the pain.

Domestic Violence Excuses

2010-08-05T07:16:00.001-05:00

There are some people who find reasons to stay with an abuser. Some women are literally afraid for their lives. They are afraid to stay, but more afraid to leave. Some are afraid for their children. Some don't believe they can live without the person in their lives. And this list can get very long... it goes on and on.

I want to encourage those who are in abusive relationships today. No, it isn't easy to leave. No, it might not automatically get better for you as soon as you leave the person who is hurting you. However, you need to love you enough to save yourself from the hands of someone who obviously doesn't know what love is. You can't stay for the children because children from abusive homes fare much worse than those from single parent homes. You can't stay out of fear because there is no safety there for you anyway. You can't stay for financial security because money can't make up for all the damage being done to you that may well be irreparable.

Don't keep excusing your abuser with reasons to continue being his victim. I know these are just words on a screen and you have to live your life, but being controlled, manipulated and mishandled isn't living. That's not the kind of life you want, I'm sure.

You don't need an abuser in your life.

Start Again

2010-07-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

We can choose to live again. No one else can make the decision for us. We have to decide to push forward, past the pain and humiliation of our pasts into our futures. Just because you were hit with a tragic event doesn't mean your life is over. Pick yourself up today and start again. It might not be the easiest thing you've ever done, but it will be the most beneficial.

Healing From Abuse- Mythbuster

2010-06-28T11:30:00.000-05:00

There's often an issue with counselors and others trying to tell a victim of any abuse how long it should take them to heal, how long they can be angry, or how they will NEVER get over the hurt. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!

I cannot and neither can anyone else tell you how long you should hurt, how you will always be a victim. That's not another person's decision to make for your life. That is your decision alone. No one can tell you how long this process will take and indeed for some, it may take their whole lives. For me, bless God, it didn't.

Healing from abuse is not about rights or opinions. It's about truth. I have the right to still be angry if I want, but what good would that do? And so that is what I teach others. Why be angry for twenty years further destroying yourself? Why allow someone else to control you for that long? They are smiling and going on with life not considering you, more than likely. Why should your life stop at the place they hurt you? These are the questions we have to ask ourselves and answer for ourselves for our healing to begin. And regardless of what the professionals say, a victim is someone with an excuse to feel hurt and bitter. A victor is someone who has felt the hurt and the bitterness but chosen to live above it. Praise God. They have taken the power of their lives back from the abuser and chosen a higher path that sets them free- the path of forgiveness and self-awareness.

I can't say enough how important it is for you to invest in your own happiness by making better choices without the limitations of your past or of our society.

The Battles Within

2010-06-11T08:58:00.000-05:00

The biggest battles a person who has suffered through abuse will ever fight are the battles that rage within. Those endless questions that plague victims of abuse can literally suck the life right out of them. What did I do to deserve this? Why did this happen to me? I'm not a bad person, am I? What if it happens again? Why couldn't I defend myself? If there is a God, why did he let this happen? This doesn't happen to normal people, does it?

We have to realize the first thing that must be rebuilt is self-esteem and we win these inner battles by realizing the abuse is over. We arm ourselves with knowledge, get the help we need without feeling ashamed of that need, and we love ourselves again. It is not required that others love and/or respect us for us to love and respect ourselves. Bad things happen to undeserving people all the time. Everything is not something we can control, but we can control how much of our life is affected by the stuff that enters it.

Be strong and know that you have the power to win any battle you face. You've survived the abuse. Now, conquer it!

Day 3 of Healing Confessions

2010-05-28T06:49:00.001-05:00

Day 3 is about looking inside and dealing with the grief-

~ I've made many mistakes but they do not constitute the evil perpetrated upon me
~ I forgive myself for not being able to defend myself
~ I forgive those who promised to take care of me that didn't because of oversight or on purpose. I release them from the penalty of guilt
~ I am afraid to feel all that I need to feel, but I refuse to surrender to the fear. I will trust God as I face my past pains and successfully overcome them
~ I am not my mistakes. I can change today.

Day 2 of Healing Confessions

2010-05-27T08:06:00.001-05:00

On day 2, you have to begin to stretch your faith-

~ I am empowered by the things that hurt me

~ Those who have rejected me done me a favor rather than a disservice

~ This process is only to set me up for success and overwhelming victory

~ One day I'll thank those who hurt me out of a sincere heart because their wrong will be turned for my good

Day 1 of Healing Confessions

2010-05-26T08:02:00.001-05:00

Today on Day 1 of healing confessions, first start with the most basic and true confessions-

~ I have a right to this life.
~ I am God's creation, fearfully and wonderfully made
~ Bad things happen to everyone. I'm no exception.
~ Just because I've had a tragedy does not mean I'll be robbed of my future triumphs
~ God's love and acceptance is enough for me to believe in love again

I Know You're Tired

2010-05-16T05:45:00.000-05:00

Sure, you've read the right books. You try to think the right thoughts. You even try to love those who has misused you, but some days you're tired. You don't want to love. You don't want to forgive. It's all you can do to keep wanting to breath. I feel you and have been there and done that.

No matter how tired you get, remember that freedom isn't cheap. It takes a little sacrifice and getting used to, but the day will come when you appreciate those days you held on. Morning is coming, friends. Don't give up an hour before dawn!

Rape Being Read in China and Holland

2010-05-15T17:45:00.000-05:00

Today I got word that my book is selling even in China. Thank God for online bookstores like Powell's and Amazon. God has a way of taking you global without you ever leaving the house. Grow Rape of Innocence, grow!

Growing in Recognition

2010-04-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

I would have never thought that this little lady from Warren, Arkansas would ever grow up from projects to fans and friends all over the world. I never would have imagined having a bestselling book or two. That goes to show you that you never know how much better your life can be when you live for God. I give Him the glory.

I'm asking my readers to connect with me. I love hearing from you and I love your feedback which is causing me to grow. Below are some links to the sites I'm most active on.

I'm also asking you all to help me spread the word about my books. Sometimes, we don't have what we want because we won't ask for it. Not I. I would love if you guys would link back to my website and this blog, ask your friends to follow me here and subscribe to my feed, join my fan page over on Facebook and keep up with my updates on Twitter. That would be greatly appreciated. If you don't have any of my books yet, you can get them on Amazon, and leave a review there or email it to me at lacresha@lacreshahayes.com or lacresha.hayes@gmail.com so that I can credit you and brag on you wonderful people even more. I love you all and thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting me in my career.

Blogs:
Truth and Intimacy- The Classified Files
Always the Bride
Pretty, Prosperous and Powerful (Blog P3)
Write It! Publish It! Market It!

Don't Be Defeated

2010-04-07T17:44:00.000-05:00

Don't be defeated by your thoughts. Sometimes we can feel so helpless to them. Seems they strike suddenly, no warnings and leave us feeling sorrowful and solemn. Don't let your thoughts defeat you so easy.

Learn to answer your thoughts with something positive. When thoughts come about your past and answer them with your dreams for the future. When thoughts come about your failures, answer them with thoughts of your successes. Don't be defeated in your mind.

Flawed Vision

2010-03-23T15:29:00.000-05:00

Isn't it amazing that the most sturdy dependable things in life are not those things made by man's imperfect hands? No, the most dependable things in this world are those things fashioned by the hand of God. It is HIS perfect nature to engineer flawlessness.

Now some of you are looking at yourself and seeing yourself as irreparably flawed. The problem is, you are looking through flawed eyes with a flawed understanding. So how can you, with your limited knowledge, ever fully understand the true will of the Creator and why HE fashioned you, flaws and all?

PEOPLE, we are only human. We don't have even a fraction of the knowledge that God possesses and our time here is too short to even ferret out a pattern in God's workings. The best thing we can do is trust Him. We have to have faith that all things are working together, even the most painful things imaginable, for our good and HIS glory.

Imagine this with me- what if I'd never been raped or molested? What if my dad had actually stayed around, married my mom and they raised me up in a whole home? What if my grandmother had never been illiterate? Well, I venture a guess that all the good works I've been able to do would have never happened. For that reason, I sincerely thank everyone who has ever caused me pain. Now, I see a small glimpse of that scripture coming to pass in my life, but GOD saw it all all along.

How to Heal Layers of Pain

2010-03-19T16:45:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, there can be so many layers of pain in our lives that we have a hard time distinguishing what is really going on with us. We have those days when everything bothers us, everyone annoys us, and in truth there is no reason for us to be bothered or annoyed. But some trigger was touched somewhere and we've not yet figured out what trigger these depressive episodes.

When it comes to healing, our bodies grow a scab to protect from further injury and then begins the process of inner healing. That hard patch on the outside not only provides some level of protection from outer elements, but also keeps the white blood cells the body dispatches to that area where they need to be and protected. Sometimes, the same happens in our hearts, but with different consequences. See in the natural, that scab has a certain timeframe to occupy that space, normally until the inside is healed and closed. But in our hearts, sometimes we tend to hold on to hardness and embrace it like a friend. We grow cold and despondent. We become angrier and angrier and all that hatred and frustration turns to wreak havoc upon us and those around us.

We need to learn how to go through the various stages of pain and work through them so that we can grieve over hurt and lost and then move on. Otherwise, we victimize ourselves over and over again by blocking our own happiness.

Three Years and Going Strong

2010-03-09T06:50:00.001-06:00

My book, THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE: TAKING CAPTIVITY CAPTIVE, has been out three years and it is still going strong. Praise GOD!

Long Term Effects

2010-02-10T09:05:00.000-06:00

No doubt, abuse has far reaching effects. From low self-esteem to drug and alcohol abuse to suicide attempts, there are many facets to the damage abuse can cause.

Someone asked me how to deal with the memories and recurring depression this week. I decided to post my answer here for those who are still trying to process through the damage.

First of all, there is unfortunately no right answer for everyone because human nature can be complex at times. How one person processes pain and fear is not how another one does. So, the first step is journaling or keeping some kind of notes on what you experience and when. After doing this for a time, a pattern will emerge to show you the triggers you must be aware of. Everyone has triggers: smells, pictures, certain times of the day, week, month or year, or maybe even the sound of a voice. Whatever it is, find yours and you'll be that much closer to getting beyond it.

Second, deal with your trigger, not by running away from it or trying to avoid it, but by confrontation. One of my triggers was a photo. It brought back a ton of memories. I made it a point to look at that photo everyday until the memories no longer came on like a flood and until the pain went away. Believe it or not, that took a bit less than a month. Another of my triggers was a smell. I didn't smell it all the time, but when I did, it would make me sick to my stomach. Depression would try to seize me. I had to focus my mind upon that smell and think about why it bothered me and I talked to someone about it. I even went shopping looking for it because I didn't want to be blind-sided by it again. It was Old Spice. And after awhile, I was over that too.

In short, there is residual damage when you've been abused, but to take your life back, you must face down whatever tries to keep you in bondage to what was done.

Tribute to My Husband, LENSEY C HAYES

2010-02-08T12:45:00.000-06:00

I don't get to talk about my husband often on this blog, which is a shame because he's helped me heal in more ways than I could probably ever mention. He has been such a blessing to me from God. His patience and love has shown me the true heart of God.

I'd like to encourage women who are married to patient men who truly love them to continue allowing them to love you. Don't fight them. Let them do what God told them to do, which is love their wives like Christ loved the church, giving himself for it. Thank you, Lord, for sending me an obedient man.

All the best on your birthday, sweetheart! We are far apart, but I appreciate who you and what you have been in my life from day one until now, whether I was right or wrong, up or down. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LENSEY!

Processing Pain

2010-01-26T07:56:00.000-06:00

There's a big difference in stumping your toe and dropping a motor on your foot. The level of pain is different. The level of damage is different. And hence, the method and length of healing will be different. Seems simple to understand when put that way, but we don't act like it when it concerns emotional pain.

Just because you can't see the scar doesn't make it real. We have to be careful to allow people to fully process their pain. It doesn't matter if we think someone should be over something by now. Our opinions are useless and can be counterproductive.

Processing pain involves a time period of grieving and yes for some, wallowing. Not everyone is going to go through their trials the same way, but the thing is to let them go through it with our support. Our jobs are to gently support and guide a person toward something better on the other side of pain. We should show them the light that is awaiting them when the process is finished, not time how long the process takes.

If you have, and we all have, hurting people in your life, don't judge them if they appear weak to you. You don't know what they've been through and you don't know how much it may have hurt them. And you also don't know how powerful they can be when all the hurting is done. You be an encourager and remind them that it won't hurt always. They won't feel weak always. Things can get better with time if they let it. But don't you dare make a hurting person feel guilty because they are hurting.

What To Do with Memories

2010-01-25T12:37:00.000-06:00

What can you do with a memory? It would be so much simpler if we could just permanently delete them like a hard drive. We can't though. So what do we do with them?

First, we process them. We deal with them and feel whatever we have to feel, and then we use them to help others. Helping others with them reverses the effect of the hostage system. When we are afraid to face our memories, we are held hostage by them. When we use them, we take them hostage and make the pain of past events work for us and others.

Doing What You Know

2010-01-20T08:28:00.000-06:00

I know that there are millions of self-help books on the market. You can find a book on anything from marriage to money to celibacy. They are all out there. There are some people who grab these books, absorb the new material and immediately put it to work. There are others who read and understand the books, but find it difficult to institute new patterns in their thinking or behavior. For those who don't have that problem, thank God, but for those who do, what can they do?

I am often asked for some insider tips on getting over the pain of abuse or neglect. There really are not any insider tips. The truth is, it's going to hurt and it will be difficult and it may take a lifetime of dedication to truly own your life again. The deeper the wound and the longer it festers in silence, often the longer the healing process. Many times, people want an easier way to deal with their issues. They don't want to deal with that intense pain and all those feelings, but there's no easy and pain-free way.

If you are going to pick up books to help you think better, do better, be better, then be prepared for the pain of change, rather your issue is abuse, neglect, bad habits, whatever. Change can hurt, but you have to be patient and stick with it. Do what you know! Getting past the pain requires you to stop walking according to your feelings. You must rely on truth and not emotions. Deal with your emotions, bring them under your control with what you know is true.

MOVIE DEAL~ YAY!!!

2010-01-18T09:12:00.000-06:00

After one delay and then another, finally I have the contract in my hand for THE RAPE OF INNOCENCE to be made into a movie and am currently in talks about doing a documentary about sexual abuse. So, of course this blog will be hopping for awhile. I'll post all my book updates here and keep you refreshed with links and more.

I appreciate all your support in purchasing, reading and talking about the book. It is because of you that I have attained this success. I am praising GOD that He made room for my book to touch the lives of silent victims. Let's keep standing together and crying out against sexual abuse and domestic violence.

Forgiveness - The Renewal

2010-01-11T15:39:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, we believe that once we've forgiven, we're home free. At least that's how I felt. But I found myself in an unusual predicament recently. One of the people who once raped me when I was a young girl confronted me about my book. It turned into an argument and as quickly as I could blink an eye, I was angry all over again... I felt victimized all over again. I was filled with anger and indignation, fury, the kind that wants revenge suddenly. This coming from an ordained minister and a person who teaches forgiveness regularly. This coming from the person who thought she was completely free of her past. And here was the preacher with a butcher knife in her hand and a heart filled with wrath. I'd regressed because the surface looked healed, but a nice kick to the ribs brought back all the pain of the past.

After a couple of weeks of loathing and plotting and desiring harm come to him, I finally approached him and apologized for cursing him out and threatening his life. That felt like pulling teeth, like pouring alcohol in an open wound. He finally took the easy way out and said he didn't remember raping me and I said it didn't matter and that all was forgiven. Seems like once I said it, the whole forgiveness process began to renew itself in me. I cried though. I cried because of what those two weeks put me through. I cried for myself. I cried for all victims who even 20 years later find themselves having to prove they were victimized. I cried because people would rather believe you are simply loose than to believe someone took advantage of you. At least that has been my experience. I cried because I lowered myself to a place I haven't been in many years. And, I cried because that little girl that was hurt is still a part of me and she will forever be.

Forgiveness sometimes must be renewed. Sometimes, we have to check ourselves and make sure we are doing what we should do and feeling what we should feel. Sometimes, God allows situations just so we can see we aren't where we thought we were and need to work on being more like HIM. Wouldn't you know that after I finally got the last morsel of hate out of my heart that something bad happened to him. He went to jail and an officer beat him up pretty bad. For two seconds, I almost felt relief, almost felt that he was getting his punishment for hurting me, that his trial was proof that God loved me enough to defend me. But then I remembered that we should never feel happy at another person's problems. We should never glory in the suffering of others, especially when they've hurt us but the Bible encourages us to forgive and pray for them, to do good to them.

Just one more stage of healing for me... just one more level of growth!

Sharing My Secret~ How I Feel About My Book

2010-01-05T09:34:00.000-06:00

Today is one of those days when I feel like being transparent. So here's the truth. I love my book, and all the success it has brought my way. I love helping other people, but it seems no matter how many other books I write and what else I do, The Rape of Innocence is consuming my life. People don't see me as an entrepreneur, or ordained minister, or teacher. Most people see me as a spokesperson for victims of abuse and sometimes, especially when I'm battling my own issues with my past, I want to be anything but that.

I guess you could say I'm starting to have a love/hate relationship with the book. Sometimes, I want to rewrite it and take out some of the details, because being home I'm attacked about it so often. Other times, I feel like just pulling it off the shelves altogether, but just when I tire of it most, someone writes me and tells me how it changed their lives, how they cried all the way through the book, how they chose life again, how they were pulled back from the brink of depression. I read those letters and emails, take a deep breath and say "SO BE IT" to myself.

Don't ever think this is easy for me. I don't always like to answer questions about my horrific past, but I ALWAYS love to make a difference in the lives of others. So, pray for me. I need the strength of the Lord because the weight of sexual abuse and domestic violence can get heavy sometimes.

A Page from my Diary ~ It Hurts!

2009-11-20T09:18:00.000-06:00

I might not always want to admit it, but sometimes it still hurts. Sometimes, I'm still bitter. Sometimes, I rescind on forgiveness. Sometimes, I imagine tragedy for all those who caused me so much pain. But it's true and I'm human, which I know isn't an excuse.

Yesterday, I got a letter from an older lady telling me her story and how my book had made such an impact in her life. I get those letters and emails all the time and sometimes I wonder why my book didn't heal me so thoroughly as these women say they were mended. I wonder why, and feel victimized all over again because my pain is helping others, but I'm still in pain.

It makes me feel like God has forgotten how much I've already suffered. It makes me act like Job and want to tell Him to get himself down here and face me. Punish me, bless me, anything but ignore me and leave me in this rut of suffering.

I moved home recently and old wounds opened again, and the old me resurfaced. Yes, ME... the superstar and the spokesperson, the voice. I AM HURTING so bad, but everyone expects me to suck it up and be strong because people are looking and showing that kind of weakness isn't going to inspire their healings. Well, what about me? What's to be done for me when I cry almost every time I'm alone? Why did I have to come back to a place I hate and deal with people I despise while trying to please a God who sometimes seems so far away?

After all that venting, I have to fall back on what I know. I know HE made me a survivor and that if I suffer the rest of my life, mine will never compare to HIS. I know that HE sees me and I know that HE loves me. If my lot in life is to live out loud and show people the truth, good/bad/ugly, then so be and let me find my joy in that!

Rewriting the Book, Avoiding the Tragedy

2009-11-05T09:16:00.001-06:00

I've been working on a rewrite for my book. Of course, that means I have to deal with my past all over again, which is good for me because it helps me cleanse myself of all those negative feelings. Nevertheless, I have to be careful that I don't lose myself in the pain and all the tragedy.

Most of us are hindered most because we allow the tragedy to be bigger than survival. I was there for far too many years of my life. I'll keep you posted.

Silence Empowers the Abuser

2009-10-16T15:52:00.000-05:00

Regardless of what form of abuse you've suffered, your silence is how your abuser is empowered. Being abused takes a lot out of a person, especially when there is an emotional aspect (being raped by close family or friends; battered by a husband; verbally abused by a boyfriend). Nevertheless, we have to choose to speak out about it. Otherwise, we empower them to do it to us again, or to others if we leave.

Fact is, most men who beat their wives get away with it for so long because the wives choose to keep silent. Sometimes it's because of embarrassment; sometimes because of misplaced loyalty; sometimes out of fear. Whatever the reason, we clam up about it.

Let's unite and be the voice for those who haven't found the inner strength to speak out. Let's show them there's nothing to fear, be embarrassed of and no honor in allowing a person to misuse us.

Food for Thought - What is Victory?

2009-09-05T08:34:00.000-05:00

What is victory?

Victory is when you survive something others thought you couldn't or wouldn't survive. Victory is when the outcome of an otherwise adverse situation causes you to grow and evolve in a way that is beneficial to you. Victory is when you come out the other side of a fire and realize you're still able to smile.

Many people think victory is some overwhelming triumph in which pain isn't inflicted or felt. If there's never any pain, then what exactly did a person reign victorious over? Victory is what happens on the other side of pain, turmoil and sleepless nights. In fact, what makes it so sweet is the agony that came before it.

Just food for thought!

What Family Members Should Know About Grieving

2009-08-03T11:29:00.000-05:00

Grieving is a process that differs according to the person and the actions that caused the grieving. Grieving a death is different from grieving a rape. Grieving over bad decisions is also different. Often times, psychology and family are unable to fully understand the grieving process associated with rape and molestation, or even domestic violence. Therefore, victims often feel like they are alone and misunderstood.

If you know someone who is a victim of sexual abuse or domestic violence, telling them what they should do may not be the best practice. Telling them how to grieve won't work. In fact, often the best way to assist them in their healing process is to stay positive and remind them that they are still human. Don't treat them like a victim. Don't treat them with pity, but do show empathy. It's a tight rope for the family members, but if it is so hard for you, imagine how difficult it is for those who've been abused.

The Rape of Innocence is Becoming a Film

2009-06-10T17:39:00.003-05:00

I'm so delighted to tell all my Rape blog readers that this book, the one most of you tell me have helped change your life, is now going to be made into a film. It still seems unbelievable, but God is a good God and He keeps His word at all times.

I'm asking all my blog readers who have not purchased a book to get one now by ordering from the sidebar. If you have one already and have read it, please leave me a review at Amazon.com, or on Goodreads. Tell everyone you know about it and stay tuned in here.

I'm currently working on a rewrite for this book, giving it a more professional layout and having it professionally edited. I'll keep everyone posted. For more info, see my blog post at http://learntofeelpretty.blogspot.com

Stripping of Will

2009-04-27T23:21:00.002-05:00

One of the biggest problems with rape, molestation and other such crimes is the stripping of will. When someone takes anything from you, it makes you lose confidence in your ability to make decisions and protect yourself. Low self-esteem often results, and before long, victims of abuse find themselves almost needing their abuser, particularly in domestic violence. What do I mean?

It seems like they've been stripped of everything they were, so they now only identify themselves as a victim and in relation to the incident of abuse. That is a problem. I'm not just a former victim of abuse. I am also an abuse advocate. I'm also a pastor. I'm also a mother. I have other ways to identify myself. That is healthy. Some people are still stuck and feel like eternal victims. That's unhealthy and a sign of a missing identity. Pray with me now.

Father God, I pray for all those reading this blog post. I ask you to restore power to their minds and hearts. Restore their bodies. Give them back their esteem. Empower them to use their pain and past mistakes or happenings to help others and themselves. I speak strength over their lives. I speak peace to their minds. I speak serenity to their hearts. God, shower the readers with your love. Let them know that they mean the world to you. Saturate them in your joy, and give them an abundant life. God, for all the years they suffered pain, I thank you that those years will be multiplied back in your joy. I pray for all these in Jesus' name, AMEN!!!

Victim or Survivor

2009-04-21T10:31:00.003-05:00

There's no sense in denying it. Bouncing back from catastrophe is not an easy job. It takes more than motivational messages. It takes more than knowledge. It also takes the inner desire to bounce back. It takes the faith to believe things can be better for you. This is where almost everyone stumbles.

When you're heart has been broken by abuse, sometimes there's a tendency to feel like nothing is ever going to take that away. And, you're absolutely right. Nothing is going to erase the memory of your abuse. You have to learn to master that memory and control the pain. You have to take the power from the abuser. Nothing does that better than choosing to think differently about yourself. You cannot keep calling yourself a victim and think that you'll be free. Once you're ready for life to move on, you'll have to call yourself a survivor.

It's time for you to believe in yourself and in life again. Things can be better. Even if people don't change for you, you can change for yourself.

Retrain the Brain

2009-04-03T10:38:00.004-05:00

For many victims of abuse, the hard part of recovery is retraining the brain to function differently. Most people can't get over trying to rationalize the event that hurt them so deeply. There's not always a reason for abuse. Sometimes, it just is. Regardless of the reason, it's never your fault. Don't try to find a reason to hate yourself. Rather, focus on loving yourself again.

A Tear Jerker

2009-03-23T06:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, a friend wrote me. We've been online friends for the better of four years. We talk almost everyday. I had no earthly idea she'd been sexually and physically abused. She purchased my book a couple of weeks ago. So, here's what she wrote...

Cre,
Sorry it took so long to get a copy of your book. To be honest, I was afraid to get it. I was afraid to deal with the issue of abuse. You know I hate gettting emotional. It makes me feel unstable. I've had the book for two weeks. I've been finished with it for one week. That's why I haven't written over this past week. I didn't know what to say. You know how I feel about anything religious. Much of it is written from a perspective I can't understand. This time was different. Anyway, I won't go into my story. It's probably just like everyone else's story. I was molested. I married a suited hood. He beat me black and blue throughout our marriage. He caused me to have several miscarriages. Finally, I came out of the marriage with a physically disabled child and with loss of sight in one eye. I went from that to women. I had a lover who also abused me, took my money, abused my son. I went from that to drugs. I released the drugs three years ago. I never hoped to have a man or woman in my life any more. I don't like either one, but your book gave me hope to maybe give God a try. I'm still undecided so please, no pressure. I'll write you back when I'm ready. I love you, girl.

The Rape of Innocence sampler 2

2009-03-10T10:30:00.002-05:00

Many times over the course of the school year, I was either molested or raped. I had more narrow escapes than anyone I know. I suppose if I told it all, I would need to write two books. Suffice to say that I learned to separate my mind from my body just to keep my sanity. It seemed that the more men took liberties, the more I gave those liberties away so that it would not hurt as bad. But I hated… I hated deeply, and loathing overfilled my hardened heart. Hatred began to control me. I was depressed and pitiful, doing things then that as an adult I have had to be healed from. The things that were done to me, and the things I did, caused me to become a horrible person. I was trifling and I didn’t care about anyone… not even myself. I took my cues from the people around me. They treated me as if I was nothing and nothing nice I became. I didn’t have a reason to be nice. I didn’t have a reason to care about others. In my mind, no one cared about me. I thought I was free. Little did I know I was bound in the deepest of pits, trapped by my own twisted mindset.

The angry method of coping I chose probably hurt me worse than the actual rapes, countless molestations or my abandonment issues had. Because I was tired of fighting to keep my body to myself, I didn’t value it anymore. Sex was not precious or exclusive. To me, it was a given- something a girl had to do, one way or the other.

I carried this attitude into both of my two failed marriages, and it was the reason lots of things didn’t work out for me for a very long time.

(From chapter 6: Where is the Love? of The Rape of Innocence: Taking Captivity Captive by Lacresha Hayes All rights reserved!)

Another Testimonial

2009-02-01T10:25:00.000-06:00

I'm very proud and tearful over this one:

Ms. Hayes, thank you so much for writing this book. I've suffered so long with the pain. I've lost a wonderful husband and my son. Seems when people try to love me, I push them away. I don't always try to. It just happens. I'm miserable without my family and had thought of killing myself several times. Your book gave me hope. I love you like the friend and big sister I never had. I hope to meet you one day. That would be a dream come true.

Cabria M.

The Kids Pay the Price

2009-01-28T18:16:00.001-06:00

When a home is torn up by fighting, it is the children who pay the greatest price. Some people quickly advocate leaving the relationship, but I try to tell people to never allow their relationships to slip into such a horrible pit that they can no longer be civil with one another. It's a horrible place to be.

Remember your children the next time you see your spouse. Remember that the person you're currently angry with helped you make those beautiful little smiling faces. If you can't love the spouse for that, at least respect him/her for it.

What Really Matters

2009-01-14T16:43:00.002-06:00

What really matters to you in life? It's important that you know. When you know what's important to you, then you know how to govern your life.

When you've been through a traumatic past, many times you may not feel like anything matters anymore. This is a sign that your spirit has been broken, that you've lost your ability to hope. When that happens, it's difficult to hope again, to believe something good can happen to you again. But if you're still in the land of the living, every day is an opportunity to live again.

What really matters to you? What used to matter to you? Ask yourself the difficult questions. Answer them. Deal with the answers. Then, start your life over again.

The Bible declares that each day, God gives us new mercies. What will you do with yours?

Freedom Takes Time

2009-01-11T14:23:00.002-06:00

Freedom from your past doesn't happen overnight. It takes time and patience, perseverance and more. Don't imagine for a moment that twenty years of damage can be completely erased in a day. While your process can begin with a choice, your healing will take much more. It will take sacrifice. It will take redefining your life and limits. It will take renewing your mind. It will take all you have in you to change your life, but it is worth all the effort and all the time you invest.

Always remember, freedom takes time!

The Difference Between Is and Like

2008-11-04T09:20:00.003-06:00

The very nature of mankind is to misunderstand because we're too quick to use our imaginations instead of our intellect. That's the norm for nearly everyone. Recently, I found out that imagination can destroy good people.

My grandmother used to tell me all the time that there is a difference between what is and what seems like. Like deals in similiarities while is deals in facts. I've been scandalized recently, both me and my husband. People say we are (is) scams and criminals. People say the company is (is) bogus. People accuse us of all sorts of horrible things because of what it looks like (like). Most people feel that if it looks like a dog then it is indeed a dog, which is never true. There are dogs that look like wolves and wolves that look like dogs. What is my point?

In all that I've done online from start to finish, I've never, ever lied about myself or my husband in any way. I live my life as an open book because everything I do ties into ministry for me. I've never said I'd lived a clean life all my life. Indeed, even in my book, I talk about the troubles I've been in. I talk about the bad decisions I made. I talk about how the love of God redeemed me from them all so that I can boldly say that since God entered my life until today, I've continuously became a better person. I've continuously became a standard for Him and His own glory.

When I came back online after being away for only 3 weeks, I came back on to find that the business I built and handed over to my husband's capable hands was being destroyed by vicious rumors and gossip with small portions of truth mixed in. I found out that the work I was doing with young children who'd been molested and/or raped was being affected because someone decided to write everyone they could to say I was a crook and liar. Imagine the shock of children who have been crying out for someone, anyone to write them and care about them. I came back online to find that the work I do for battered and mentally abused women was jeopardized. Now, they are more concerned with if I'm going to ask them for something down the line. Now, they feel I can't possibly be doing all this out of the goodness of my heart. Even though I've never made a dime doing either of these things, people are wondering if one day they'll let their guards down and I'll start asking for stuff because a very unreal and unfair picture was painted of me.

I was gone three weeks and in that time, I had almost 30,000 unanswered emails, mostly from children wanting to know why someone would say such mean things about me. I had to ask myself the same question. Why would people automatically assume that people are naturally crooked unless they themselves are naturally crooked? I believe the biggest factor is the internet. There are things people will say and do online because they never have to "face" the person they are doing them to. To them, it's just a screen name. It's a big show of courage from cowards. The internet is so impersonal that people don't consider that they are capable of ruining lives. If it had been just my life, I'd have been fine with that. My life is in no jeopardy of being ruined. All any gossiper, liar, or troublemaker can do in my life is ruin the lives of those who look to me for strength. I'm always covered and always in check.

There is a difference between like and is. Though it may seem like Lensey and Lacresha Hayes are going under, the truth is we are only going up. It may seem like Living Waters Publishing Company is going out of business, but the truth is it will still be around when my children's children grow up. God promised it to me and no matter how bad things get, I know it will be so. I don't wage a war against any, but I put it in the hands of the Father. For some, that may sound cliche, but for me, that's all I have. I don't have enough riches to trust in. I don't have enough friends who care, but I have a God who I live my life to please. So while it may seem like this is the end, it is only the beginning!

Low No More

2008-10-03T11:42:00.002-05:00

When you go through some things in life, you come out feeling low. Sometimes, you get so used to being low that you'd rather than try to be happy just to have the bubble pop on you and bring you right back down.

I remember a time when depression seemed to be my friend. I didn't want anyone to cheer me up because it always hurt worst to be happy and then sink into the depths of hell in a matter of moments. I tried everything to find some way to stabilize my emotions. I tried medication that only made me feel like a shell. I tried relationships that caused me to hurt others who only wanted to love me. I tried partying but the high was only short-lived.

In the beginning, it didn't even seem that Jesus Christ had the power to stop me from going through my emotional hell. He does, but his power works through us. It works in us deciding that we won't settle for less than what He's promised us. He promised us joy and peace. By golly, I demand myself to walk in that everyday. It isn't easy. After all, I spent more than 20 years going through ups and downs so quickly that it made my own head spin.

Today, you have to choose stability in Christ too. You have to choose to take command over your life again. You have to view your pain like you'd view a day that it rained when you were a child. It rained then. There was nothing you could do about it, but it isn't going to stop me from enjoying the sunshine. Hallelujah! Don't you dare sit there and die because all hell has broke loose in your life over and over again. You get up and enjoy every moment that isn't filled with hell. You get up and decide that you must be something of a super emotional hero because you've been through demonic psychological warfare and came out the other side. Survival is only survival if you can say I still have control and I exercise it in commanding my life to line up with what God promised me... peace and joy!

I've Been Tagged - Again, This Time By Ron Berry

2008-09-29T19:12:00.002-05:00

So, I'm supposed to tell you guys six things about myself on this blog. Ron Berry, the Surreal Writer, tagged me. Let's see what I can think of.

1) I'm a survivor of sexual abuse that stretched over my entire childhood.

2) I've been a minister of the Gospel for seven years, and I'm licensed and ordained

3) I teach protocol at church, something I hate, but happen to be GREAT at. How does that work?

4) Most people around me think I'm kind of mean, very outspoken, and a bit intimidating, however, I have the voice of a 12 year old. It just won't change. LOL! So, how does that work?

5) I call my best friends about once a month. That's why they are still my best friends. LOL! I'm really a loner and appreciate my personal time.

6) I want nine more children. Actually, we have 9 little embryos frozen in Louisiana. I just KNOW that we have 5 girls and 4 boys. Here are the names, thus far. We're still lacking a few.

~ Solandra Cheyenne Hayes
~ Falon Santana Hayes
~ Sabrya Annalyse Hayes
~ Connor Christopher Hayes
~ Caleb
~ Cole
~ Nicolas

We're always open for tips.

Now, I tag the following people:

Lindy
Trina
Erica
Vicky Warren

The rules:
Now, if you’ve been tagged with the meme game from twitter, you must post 6 things no one knows about you on your BLOG.
Then you have to tag about 6 more people (don’t forget to let them know they’ve been tagged.) Leave me a message letting me know that you’ve accepted the tag.

Sexual Predators and Forgiveness ~ My Reasons

2008-09-17T09:17:00.003-05:00

This morning, I happened over to a good friend's blog. His posts from yesterday and today caused a stir inside me. Though I never have confessed to be perfect, I realized just how imperfect I am. I found that I could never date or marry a known sexual predator, even if he was saved, preaching, filled with the Holy Ghost. I just couldn't do it. What does that say about me? Let me share yet another experience. I'm not sure if it is in the book or not.

My first husband and I were young when we got married. Every weekend, something was going on over at our house. Well, it wasn't full scale parties, but we always had company over. One night, one of my brothers who I hadn't known long brought a friend over to the house with him. The "friend" just happened to be a young man who had tortured me as a child and teenager. He'd hung a dead chicken in front of our door with blood still dripping. He's raped me once, as part of the gang rape I spoke about in the book that happened when I was about 9 or 10. He'd even tried to rape me after I had my son.

My screen was messed up, another long story. I kept the window up because my son was so little (6 months old) and it was always hot in the house. My son and I were in the bed sleep. My grandmother and mother had a house full and were partying. The next thing I know, I feel concrete cutting into my arm. He was literally trying to pull me out of my window. I screamed and he ran off.

Another particular incident, he tried to force me and I was bigger. I decided to stand up for myself again and he slapped me so hard that my face was swollen from the forehead to my chin. So, needless to say, I HATED him. He never got in any real trouble, even when he and his friends gang raped another beautiful young woman one night when she was walking home from work. It was pathetic.

So, I was afraid when he walked into my house. My nerves all stood on end. I called my little tiny husband into the other room and told him. Of course, he was as small as I am. What was he going to do? I told him just to play it cool and I would tell my brother first chance I got. I never left the room anymore after that. I fell asleep at some point. I didn't wake up until well after midnight. Everyone was sleep. I walked in the living room and almost died. He was on my floor sleep. I screamed and kicked him and punched him in his eyes and face. I wanted him out right that second. I put my brother out too. I tried to fight him too. He had no idea what was wrong with me until the next day when I told him.

So, my point is known sexual predators give me the willies. I know that God can change anybody. They are NOT beyond God's healing and forgiving power. I can forgive anybody, but I cannot do it perfectly as God does. I cannot ignore the fact that NOT ONE PERSON walks so continuously in the Spirit that they aren't tempted by whatever held their attraction at first. Therefore, if I found out today that my husband had sexual abuse and battery in his past as a predator, I'd probably not stay married to him. It's hard to call, but I'm not sure I have that kind of strength yet.

You should also read a prior post I did when I ran into the preacher who raped me just this year. You can read it here. Please, let me know where you stand.

Leftovers

2008-09-15T09:45:00.003-05:00

I was watching comedian Dave Chappelle talk about women and how easy they are now. (Not something I normally watch, but flipping through TV, he caught my attention.) I was hurt, cut to my heart with what he said. It wasn't that he was exaggerating. It was that he was telling the truth. He said that if a woman's secret place was stock, it would be plummeting because women give it away too easily.

It is unfortunate that life isn't perfect for anyone, but each of us have our own burdens to bear. Sadly, many victims of sexual abuse have a tendency to no sex or too much sex with too many people. I used to fit into the latter category. I was very young when I was violated over and over. It got to a point that I was afraid to say no, and somehow my mind shifted into thinking giving away my precious body would be easier than fighting to keep it. In fact, I didn't figure it was even worth trying to keep anymore. So as a teenager and young adult, I had the reputation for being loose. I was way too quick to be with a man. I even believed that I wanted to live like that. Now, I promise it is very few people who are going to say that out loud. Women have images to uphold, after all. My image is honesty and that is what I want to uphold.

Fast forward to now, my husband has to deal with leftovers. Anytime you have sex with someone, you have given up a piece of yourself. The more sex with more people, the less of you left for a husband or wife for men. So, after years of throwing your treasures to the wind, you fall in love and get married. You think you're whole. You think you're ready, but you're only leftovers. I'm not saying that to hurt you, but it's true. The main course has been tasted and sampled and picked and prodded many times over by God knows who. And we expect our marriages to work and be perfect while coming into it like that. It won't. It'll be hard work, even harder because of all those men you're bringing into the marriage bed with you. You thought he was gone because you've not seen him in years, but he's still in you. He's a part of you because you gave him something precious, even if you have not realized it yet.

It is impossible to renew your actual virginity, or to take back sex after it is given. However, there is a way to be restored from a loose lifestyle, or from a shaky and/or abusive sexual past. That way is to choose to be whole again while keeping your body to yourself or just for your husband. That way is to repent for past decisions you've made and forgive for those wrongs perpetrated upon you. You have to let that old person die so that you'll have a new beginning. Rather than become or feel condemned by your past, allow it to be your empowerment. No, not by having pride in your past mistakes or misfortunes. You do that by choosing to make your frailty your mission. In other words, I choose to save those who can be saved from what I went through. I choose to stop being led by past issues. Rather, I'm going to be a champion for others. I'm going to make those mistakes my power so that I never have to be shame or afraid again.

Sometimes, leftovers can make a better meal than the original dish. It only takes you making a decision about what you'll do with the hand you've been dealt.

An Interview with Carla Nix on Passion4Life Radio Show

2008-09-09T23:16:00.004-05:00

Tonight, even in the midst of my pain and trials, I had such a wonderful interview on Passion4Life with Carla Nix. She is a lovely and powerful woman. To hear the interview about the residue of molestation, please click here.

Part of my Testimony - Suicide

2008-09-05T08:30:00.001-05:00

Just five years ago I was a totally different person than I am today. It amazes me sometimes how far and how fast God has brought me through some things.

From as early as I can remember, at least 5 or 6, I used to wish I could die. Can you imagine a child that young having such a heavy burden on themselves that they'd rather not live? It's possible. I was molested by both my great grandfather, my great, great uncle, and eventually my stepfather. I felt abandoned by my dad and my mom. It was just me and my grandmother for most of my life. So, I grew up depressed and suicidal.

The first time I tried to kill myself was at work one day. I had to be at work at 6am. I had a terrible headache. I also had terrible heartache. I'd just found out that the man I was planning to marry was on crack. Mark another one down in my life. Seemed drugs was claiming nearly everyone I loved. So, I asked for aspirin. They gave me the whole bottle to get a couple and bring it back. I took a couple, then a couple more, then four more. I'm not sure when I decided to just take my own life with aspirin, if that's possible, but I did. So, a huge commercial sized bottle of aspirin dwindled to only a few within the hour. I worked at a hardwood flooring mill as a grader (extremely hard physical work). My boss walked by ready to tear my spinning head off because wood was piling up so quickly. He sent me to the bathroom where I passed out. My boyfriend worked with me. He didn't like how I looked and followed me out just to see what was going on. He found me on the nastiest floor you can imagine. That was before Christmas. I didn't get out of the hospital until a few days after New Years.

The last time I tried to commit suicide was in 2003. Yep, just that short of a time ago. I was married with a nice life to all those who witnessed it. I was the envy of many of my friends. AND, I was saved and preaching. Most people would never admit such a thing. My ministry was pretty active too. I was just getting into the whole evangelism thing and people called on me frequently. However, I was still miserable on the inside. I hadn't been healed. So, one night I gathered up every kind of pill I could find- nitroglycerin, hydrocodone, antibiotics, Tylenol, Aleve and some other pill I don't know how to spell. Altogether, I took over 60 pills within 20 minutes, 5 of those being nitroglycerin. Well, I prayed and asked God to let me die, and I tried to repent of suicide before I passed, hoping to miss hell. But, man cannot outsmart God. I fell asleep around 10pm. My then husband and son got home from a trip around 2 in the morning. He put me in the bed. Later on that morning, around 4:15, I woke up sick. I threw up all the way to the bathroom. I sit in there and cried. He finally called me to come out of the bathroom. When I came out, he was on his knees cleaning up my vomit and crying. He then opened his hand and in it were at least half of the pills I'd taken over 6 hours ago. They were not digested even a little. The rest was all over the floor. God had blocked my ability to digest even one of those pills. You could have dried them off and put them back into a bottle. That was my last time trying because I knew that God wasn't going for it.

I tell my testimony today because most people just won't do it. It needs to be done though. It's sad that so many of us suffer silently and feel alone when we aren't alone. God is real. Even when others have turned away, or so we believe, He never turns away. Surely I'd be dead by now if it were not for God saving me. So, there's one part of my testimony. I hope you will learn from it. Rather than try to teach you with it, I want you to see what you can from it and how to apply it to your own life.

My 3 Hour $3 Sale

2008-09-03T08:26:00.004-05:00

From 8:30 am until 11:30 am, you can purchase my bestselling book, The Rape of Innocence, for $3 plus shipping and handling. My closet is overflowing with books now that I've gotten copies of my latest book. Help me make some room and save money on a GREAT book! Use the buy now button in the column to your right.

Lost Someone to Violence

2008-08-27T10:03:00.003-05:00

Last week, I met a lady from Memphis who wanted a copy of my book. She wanted help but didn't know how to ask for it or receive it. Anyway, I just got word that she's dead, accidental, but dead anyway. Her boyfriend pushed her too hard and she hit her head and died.

We cannot help her, but we can help you. PLEASE, if you're in an abusive relationship, contact someone and don't stop until you get some help. Leave, even if it means going to a shelter or back home to family. Your mate doesn't have to be trying to kill you for you to die from an attack. Remember the 800 numbers and websites. These places exist only for you. Don't become another statistic.

For immediate help, dial 911. Otherwise, please use the free services available to you.

Domestic Violence Hotline in the US: 1-800-799-7233

I've Won an Award~ Brillante Weblog Premio 2008

2008-08-26T07:30:00.000-05:00

Though this is a pay-it-forward award, I take it very seriously. If I said my first reaction was nearly tears when Joyce Anthony nominated me, everyone will believe me because you guys are used to me being a gigantuous baby. LOL!

Part of this award is nominating up to seven other blogs for this award. Well, I take this part seriously too, and am only nominating those I feel deserve it for real, which are most of my frequented blogs, but I can only choose seven. LOL!

Jessica Kennedy because of so many things. I don't comment much, but I watch this woman at a distance. She's a soldier and a hero to many. She's a survivor and is the picture of everything I believe in. Her blog is inspiring. If she can make it without complaining, who am I?

Connie Arnold because she writes some of the most moving poetry and devotions in the world. She's the picture of patience and friendship. She has a very sweet spirit that you can feel flowing from everything she writes. Plus, I'm just partial to her anyway. Just kidding (well, kinda).

Vicky Warren, though her blog is still fairly new, is full of inspiration. She's another survivor, someone who takes life in stride. She's one a one of a kind person that makes a difference in the lives of the people she touches. All of them.

Kim Jamison because she is one of the most outspoken people I've ever met. She's die hard when it comes to honesty and passionate about all that she does.

Alicia Grimes is a tough talking, tough blogging powerhouse. I loved her old blog and find myself stuck to the new one.

Lastly, Lensey Hayes, my husband, for all he is attempting to do to help others in the area of children's literature. It's not just the blog. He is talking to people and really getting the message of reading over to families. And, he is practicing what he preaches. He reads the Bible to us nearly every night. That's his way... he believes reading is necessary and I agree with him.

Testimonies Make It All Worthwhile

2008-08-25T02:17:00.004-05:00

A bit over a month ago, I'd gotten a donation in. I met a lady and her child who were practically homeless after her husband had nearly beat her blind. She'd gathered the courage to leave, but had no family in this area. She was trying to get back home to her parents on the East Coast. Anyway, she'd come to me for some clothing and to find out if there was anywhere she could sleep. To make a long story short, what I had was nearly just enough to get their tickets home. I gave her the tickets and some books and stuff. I didn't expect to hear from her again. My heart melted when I did. I cried, something I find myself doing a lot lately. I just praise God because it is not me that deserves any credit. It is the Lord our God. It is through Him that I move or have any being.

Mrs. Hayes, thank you for helping us get home. I've gotten settled and found a job here. My mom has been sick so it was good for me to get here when I got here I guess. As you said G-d works in mysterious ways. I finished your book during my lunch breaks and then was able to share it with a co-worker named Nancy, if you'd like to pray for her and her 2 children in a similiar situation. My eye is permanently damaged but I can see out of it some. It still hurts sometimes. My nose is healed practically new. I'm not sure what my future holds yet, but I know that my husband won't be a part of my future. So anyway just letting you know that I'm alive, even though not always well as you can imagine leaving a relationship that is older than my adulthood. I guess I get depressed sometimes because I wanted my marriage but I'd dare not burden you with all my rollercoaster. Thank you again from the both of us. One day when I am able, I am going to bless you back for what you did for us and if I ever make it big, you'll never have to want anything. If I had it, I'd give you a million dollars. What's a life worth? Mine probably nothing, but my son a whole lot and you saved our lives. We love you, guardian angel of the south. We love you.

I want to thank the man who gave the $150 on the Passionate Internet Voices Talk Radio program held by Janet Elaine Smith and her boss. The money was given for the work we were doing with the victims in the Arkansas tornado and for our church repairs, but by the time I received it, we didn't need it for that anymore. However, it came at the right time. I wish I knew your name, the one who gave the money, but somehow, I know that God will get a blessing back to you! You are her real guardian angel.

Helping Those Who Need It

2008-08-20T11:46:00.003-05:00

For the past month, I've been exchanging emails with 3 children who are victims of sexual abuse and are now in foster care. It's part of a program called Survive and Mentor. I'm very happy to be a part of it. Unfortunately, I only have time for these three. There are dozens and dozens of children who are seeking care, someone who will keep up with them, care about their feelings, their grades, their clothing, etc. Think of it as a spiritual surrogate program. The only thing I don't much like is there is a limited amount of spiritual discussion you can have. You cannot present Christ as the ONLY way to salvation. Rather, you can't say that directly.

I'm interested in sending these teens some of my books. There are 38 of them total. I've sent my three a book already. However, this is getting expensive and I need the support of those who can to help me keep this ministry going. I love what I do. I want to get some of you more involved.

If you are able, please consider giving a one time gift of $10 via Paypal, or sending it to me through the mail. This will help considerably. Also, don't forget about the clothing and staples program we have here in Marion. If you have clothing, baby supplies, or staple items you can part from, don't hesitate to send it to us at:

Angels of Hope and Recovery
c/o Lacresha Hayes
100 Lucy Lane, #17
Marion, AR 72364

Today's Post

2008-08-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

I blogged over at Celebrate Women today. Go take a look at what we're talking about.

Staying for the Wrong Reasons

2008-08-18T06:00:00.001-05:00

Growing up, I used to promise myself I would be nothing like my mother and grandmother who seemed to find nothing but abusive relationships. From the outside looking in, I felt that leaving should be the most logical solution when a relationship is verbally or physically abusive.

After going through a couple of abusive relationships myself, I now know the excuses we make for staying in bad relationships. We think perhaps our constant forgiveness, our kindness, or our support may change our abusive partners. We believe that our love has the power to change a person when many times they do not want to change.

Don't allow fear of being alone, fear of failure, or fear of the unknown make you stay somewhere you're not celebrated. Marriage and relationships are about love, mutual respect, understanding and companionship. Why lie down with someone you fear? Why live where you'll never feel comfortable? Sure, love has the power to change people. But love is not taking abuse. Love means standing against abuse, even if it costs you everything.

Lastly, there is one excuse I've found to be the worst of the bunch - children. I hate when women tell me they are staying in an abusive relationship for the children. That even sounds dumb, not to offend anyone. But, why would you try to raise children in a violent and/or verbally abusive home? How can that possibly be good for them? What could they possibly learn from seeing mom and dad fight and argue all the time? Don't do this to your children. It WILL cripple them!

For more information, visit Stop Family Violence. Pick up your copy of my book, The Rape of Innocence, today!

Don't Be Afraid to Tell

2008-08-16T18:28:00.003-05:00

To children who have been or is currently being sexually abuse - TELL SOMEBODY!

Just a few days ago, I was doing a bit of studying on the subject of sexual abuse. In everything I could find, the primary reasons children do not tell their parents are an adult close to them about abuse are:

* Fear of death or bodily harm (many abusers threaten small children)
** Fear of harm to parents or separation from parents (some abusers make threats to harm the parents if the child tells, or they say the state will take the children away from parents)
*** Guilt and shame (many abused children feel dirty and believe it is their own faults)

Whatever your reason for being silent, please realize that you can only get help if you confide in someone. Talk to a parent, a family member, a teacher or school counselor, or a church member. You cannot stop the abuse yourself. You need help. It isn't your fault. Don't allow shame to make you stay in a dangerous situation.

For information about surviving sexual abuse, please visit the RAINN website.

Absent Parents

2008-08-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

There was a portion of my book, a very painful one to write, that discusses growing up without your parents. No doubt, this is a very difficult thing to do. It breeds insecurity on all levels. Children attempt to reason away the absence, often turning the blame inward.

Why is my mom/dad not here? Is it me? Am I good enough? What's wrong with me? Am I too ugly? Too fat? Too dumb? Too worrisome? Too hard-headed? Did they love me? Am I worth loving if my own parents don't love me? Why doesn't my father want me? And on and on...

Don't do this to your children. Be there for them because they are more important than all the things you put before them. Children need reassuring. That affirmation builds their character and confidence. It isn't spoiling them. It is an investment in their future, and yours. Be there for your children.

Get your copy of my book now at http://store.livingwaterspc.com or at Amazon.com, both paperback and Kindle.

Know Where to Find Help

2008-08-09T16:05:00.000-05:00

There are times when you need help, someone to speak with, someone to care and to understand. It's important that you know where to find it.

RAINN, the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization

StopItNow, a child sexual abuse prevention organization

Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Domestic Violence Hotline in the US: 1-800-799-7233

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-784-2433

Just Sent 40 Books to a Shelter ~ Hooray!

2008-08-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

I just shipped 40 books to a private shelter in Los Angeles, CA. This is part of an ongoing program I've set up to get those books into the hands of recovering victims.

Help me get the word out to shelters. If you have a shelter in your city, tell them about the book and our program. They may qualify for large discounts or donations of books. We also have a free program for women's prisons.

If you hadn't purchased a copy yet, do so now. It helps me give them to those who cannot afford them.

Violence is Never the Answer

2008-08-07T17:50:00.000-05:00

There is a portion of my book that unfortunately gets more attention than any other. In my first marriage, my husband and I fought on occasion. On one of those occasions, it turned especially violent. It ended in me stabbing him very badly.

Most abused women who read the book tell me that they were inspired by that part. That bothers me because they don't know how much that haunts me. I don't believe violence is the answer for anyone under any circumstance. It may sometimes seem the easier answer, but it is not the best one.

If you have read my book, please don't look at that portion of the book as something to aspire to. Rather, learn to use courage to walk away and be alone before you allow yourself to be cornered by an abusive partner.

Devastating Depression

2008-08-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

There's no doubt that victims of abuse suffer from depression. Some go through short bouts of it over years of their lives. Some go through extended periods of it, months at a time. Some don't live through it at all. They take their lives because the pain is too great.

Depression is devastating. It has broken families and destroyed dreams. Depression steals the life out of people and renders them emotionally helpless. The problem is that it's so common that most people take it for granted.

I've battled depression nearly all my life. I can remember it hitting me as young as five. Now, I'm 32 and still have to be diligent over my emotions just to keep it from coming back. I don't personally medicate, but that is because I don't believe it worked for me when I did as a young adult. I can't say what is right for you, but I remember standing in front of the mirror one morning and not recognizing myself. My hair had fallen out and gotten thin. My face was thin. My eyes looked like they were budging. I looked sick and lost, kind of like a zombie. I got angry and threw the pills away. I was 20 years old then, and for the last 12 years, I've battled this the hard way - one day at a time. It hasn't been easy, but it has been rewarding because I'm not telling about something I've read. I'm telling people about what I've lived through.

Depression is a thief. The same way you'd watch a thief that visited your house, you must watch for signs of depression and learn how to arrest it early on.

The Rape of Innocence: Taking Captivity Captive

2008-08-05T14:19:00.000-05:00

After much prodding, a few great ideas from friends, I've decided to start a blog dedicated only to healing after abuse and abandonment.

This blog will deal with those issues, as well as discuss the work I do as a survivor to help others, including book, clothing, and food donations. I will also list my speaking engagements here.

The Rape of Innocence: Taking Captivity Captive is my bestselling book. It deals with all the trials and pain I faced in my struggle, and how I made it through all of it. I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of emails from people who have read the book and made positive changes.

I would love to hear from the readers of this blog on a regular basis. Comment on the posts, and if you need to reach me, my contact information is on the sidebar.